Stairmastering

 Hornli Hut, Switzerland - photo by JoAnn Sturman

Scott Sturman

“If you can read a book or make sense of a television program while exercising on the Stairmaster, then you’re not working hard enough.”  -- W.R. Priskna

Once again it is time to head to the local gym and hop on the Stairmaster to prepare for the next trek.  In front of my machine a bank of television screens broadcasts sports, news, and ABC.  The management makes certain both FOX and CNN are displayed, so each political party can dispense their verse of Pravda equally to all exercisers.  But the carefully tabulated programming bias does not take into account the political leanings of non news programs, and ABC’s The View is a good example of the insidious nature political indoctrination masked as entertainment.  Today, viewers are treated to another provocative show from the ABC affiliate of the Barrack Obama Fan Club, as the hostesses contemplate the President’s favorite movie or extol his extraordinary breath of talent and insight.  There’s sure to be a riveting interview of some brain-dead guest from the entertainment industry, who Joy, Barbara, Whoopi, and Sheri will cajole into repeating the talking points of the DNC. 

But enough of that and back to exercising.  On either side of me on adjacent Stairmasters are two Spandex clad athletes both with their eyes pasted to the television and their legs moving furiously in a piston-like motion.  My concern is not the disbelief of two adults enthralled by low brow propaganda, but the manner in which they use the machine.  To impress themselves or fellow gym rats, both are maxed out at level 20 and face forward during their entire routine.  The man to my left is bent over 90 degrees at the waist with his body draped over the handrails, while the woman on the right stands erect with her arms pronated 180 degrees, elbows locked, and each hand clasping the rail.  Neither is breathing particularly hard or dripping with perspiration which allows them to capture every uttered nuance on the television.  Perhaps the ease of effort has something to do with their legs having to support less than half of their body weight.

To get the most out of a Stairmaster workout, one should learn to use it without relying on arm support.  Exercising in this manner for an extended time at even moderate levels of resistance requires balance and extreme cardiovascular endurance, but the real test is the ability to walk the stairs sideways, backwards, side to side, two at a time, and in 360 degree circles.  All techniques require one to stand up straight, just as one should do when hiking.  Sideways steps teach one place the foot flat on the step, thus minimizing the use of muscles of the lower leg, which can lead to fatigue on demanding terrain.  Walking backwards strengthens the hamstrings and helps prevent posterior knee pain common when hiking downhill.  The side to side step teaches one to face up the hill and move the legs laterally across the path to take advantage of optimum footing.  Double steps strengthen the extensor muscle groups of the hip and thigh, and although Small Steps are recommended when ascending a trail, it is helpful to have the capability to take large vertical steps.  The last maneuver, where one turns in full circles both clockwise and counter clockwise without arm support, requires both agility and balance and is sure to catch the attention of gym patrons–a valuable technique for the single crowd.

Soaked in sweat and glad to be nearly done with my work out, I glance up at The View and can’t help but think these moo moo dressed stars, who make of big deal of losing ten pounds but forget gaining twenty, should keep their hands out of the cookie jar.  As William Randolph Hearst used to quip, “Rules are only for the small people.”       

PC at GB3

Tree Face at Tin Horn Ranch, California - photo by JoAnn Sturman

Scott Sturman
fliesinyoureyes.com

The New York media is oblivious to the information wars going on at a local gymnasium. The athletic facility, George Brown’s, also known as GB3, is a popular work out spot housed in a spacious building filled with weights and exercise machines. Suspended from the ceiling are banks of television screens which give clients three choices to distract them from the boredom of repetitive exercise: ABC, ESPN, and FOX or CNN depending on the day of the week.

Until last year FOX was the news channel of choice until a group of attorneys complained the information bias was just too much to take. As a compromise, the management declared FOX would air on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday, while CNN got the nod on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Fair enough, but is the solution fair and balanced?

I had a rare two hour morning break from work on Tuesday, so it seemed an opportune time to get a work out finished early in the day. I jumped on the Stair Master and wasn’t particularly interested in listening to another of ESPN’s in depth reports on the New Orleans Saints’ bounty program or a sportscaster gushing about the wonderfulness of Albert Puljos making a quarter of a billion dollars to play baseball over the next ten years. There were two other options or levels of torture, depending on one’s point of view: CNN or ABC’s The View. CNN’s “slant” is legendary but at least its name identifies it as a news organization. Such is not the case with programs like The View where opinion and news are interchangeable.

With sweat pouring into by eyes and in need of some diversion, Barbara Walters’ blurry image sat immediately in front of me on the huge flatscreen. She and her fellow experts excoriated the Republicans and questioned their ability to handle Ahmadinejad as well as their savior, Saint Barrack I. Despite the gravity of the discussion, every time I see Barbara I remember her kiss and tell affair with a married man, Senator Edward Brooke, and how she chose to drag his family through agony years after the tryst occurred. One wonders about the Senator’s choice of pillow mates, but he is not the first politician to think with his loins. Rather than question Barbara’s motivation or morals, her colleagues praised her honesty and willingness to face the past. Weren’t they at all concerned that she cavorted with a Republican? Such are the benefits of being anointed one of America’s premier journalists. For most of us living in the hinterland, tights lips seem a more prudent alternative, but when one’s friends and employers hold the microphone the sinner becomes a saint.

When The View is airing, one best keep eyes downcast and let the sweat take its toll. This program and many like it represent the sure weight and pervasiveness of the Left’s hold on the American media. The message comes from all directions and under many names. Tell the story over and over again from a variety of angles, and the public eventually cannot separate fact from fiction. No wonder attorneys who flex their muscles at GB3 found nothing amiss with all ABC has to offer. Thanks to their vigilance, even the gym provides no sanctuary from Big Brother on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.