Interview with Ted Kennedy

Potala in Lhasa - photo by JoAnn Sturmam

by Scott Sturman

Flies In Your Eyes continues a series of interviews with nationally known politicians and international leaders.  Since the site is relatively unknown, this forum affords the interviewees the opportunity to respond virtually off the record.  This week FIYE, after an extraordinary effort, found the former Senator from Massachusetts in a very hot, unpleasant location.

FIYE:  Thank you for joining us, Senator.  As you know, this site offers an opportunity to express your views free from the sniping of the national media.  The interview is meant to be informal.  If there are no objections, we ignore the usual honorifics and address guests by their favorite nicknames–a name used in the company of family members.  What’s your pleasure?

Senator Kennedy:  “Swimmer”  I had a close call in 1969 when my car plunged into the drink, and if not for the breast stroke, I would have showed up her long, long ago.   But before we start, I have a question for you: How did you ever find me?

FIYE:  It wasn’t so much a problem of where to find you, but how to get here.  How’s your new life been treating you?

Swimmer:   I was never much for going to the gym, so I had this fear about the Gary Larson cartoon entitled “Aerobics in Hell,” where Satan leads an exercise class and begins the class with five million leg lifts–and that’s only the right leg.  Well, my worst fear came to pass.  P.E. is taken very seriously down here.  

Gary Larson "Aerobics in Hell"

FIYE:  Before your health took a turn for the worse, I saw a book at the airport entitled Last Lion.  Initially, I thought it was William Manchester’s biography of Winston Churchill, The Last Lion, but your picture was on the cover.  What was that all about?

Swimmer:  You’re familiar with the term “spin,” of course.  Well, my life was spun like a spider’s web. I learned long ago whoever controls the microphone also controls the message–the sinner’s a saint, the average becomes exceptional.  I grew up privileged, rich, and connected.  Without these advantages I would of ended up in South Boston with a rotten liver, but money and a famous name are not to be underestimated.  I’m rabbling, but you be the judge about the title of the book.  It’s no coincidence the intent was to place me an an equal footing with the great British statesman.

FIYE:  What went through your mind when the Oldsmobile veered off the bridge at Chappaquiddick?

Swimmer:  Not much.  You may be surprised but I had a few drinks that night, but fortunately I survived.  As the last surviving Kennedy male, all I had to do was keep my nose clean, and I’d be living at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.  Even though I blew it, I chuckle when I think there were millions who still wanted me to be President.  But it’s all about powerful friends, and a less than discerning national media that treats you like a celebrity on the pages of Variety Magazine.

FIYE:  What was it like being the youngest Kennedy brother?

Swimmer:  If you haven’t read The Dark Side of Camelot, you should.  My father treated my mother like dirt, and I suppose his misogynist attitude wore off on his boys.  My father always favored my older brothers and felt they should lead the country.  In his eyes I was a disappointment and destined to be a senator but no more.  How ironic that I would carry the torch and carry on the family name, but Chappaquiddick put an end to Joe’s dream.  I could be a big man in Massachusetts and the face man for liberal causes, but that was it.

FIYE:  During your career, you championed social legislation.  How does someone so wealthy and coddled achieve this legacy?

Swimmer:  It’s a mixture of guilt and a craving for popularity.  If you think about, I never had to work for anything.  What’s wrong with giving some poor sap the same opportunity I had?  Throw him a bone, and he’ll vote for you every time and sometimes more than once.  I wanted to be popular and loved.  What better way than to give away billions of dollars of other people’s money with no strings attached?  It’s like being the Grand Marshall of the Rose Parade, throwing silver dollars to the crowd, and watching them beat each other to a pulp trying to grab a piece of treasure.     

FIYE: Ironically, Scott Brown won your senate seat in a special election.  If you would have lived longer, at what point would the voters of Massachusetts sent you packing?

Swimmer:  How do they say it?  Until the rivers run dry, and there is no salt in the sea.  Immigrants fled Europe to escape royal families that kept them destitute and without hope, but  Americans are not tuned into history.  My family had it all except the titles.  To put it in a nutshell: without term limits we serve for life.

FIYE:  Some say the national media is polarized and has abandoned any semblance of journalism.  Any thoughts on the matter?

Swimmer:  I noticed Joseph Goebbels’ quote on the FIYE home page stating if a lie is repeated often enough, it becomes the truth.  Since only a minority of the public reads anymore–I’ve heard only 20% of the population reads at least one book a year–most are dependent on TV for their main source of information.  It’s just not the national news, but programs like “The View” and all those hopeless sitcoms and reality shows where the message can be sent subtly to the masses.  Journalism doesn’t sell but sensationalism and emotionalism does.  You may write a brilliant article in an obscure website like FIYE, but a ten second sound bite from some brainless movie star makes an infinitely more powerful impression.  Both sides understand this.  We’re just better at it than the Republicans. 
  

Joseph Goebbels - Nazi Propaganda Minister

FIYE:  Thank you for you time and straight forward answers to some difficult questions.  I wish we could continue, but there is a little red man with a pointed tail who is trying to get your attention.  It looks like it’s time for your aerobics class.