Wonderlic Testing for Politicians

Scott Sturman
fliesinyoureyes.com

 Torre del Paine, Chile - photo by JoAnn Sturman

The NFL requires all draftees to take the Wonderlic Test, a 50 question cognitive exam which must be completed in 12 minutes.  The questions vary in difficulty, and it is my understanding they become progressively more challenging as the test progresses.  The highest score on record is a perfect 50 while the lowest a 3.  See if you measure up to the NFL's best by clicking on the hyperlink.

Morris Claiborne, the stellar defensive back for the LSU Tigers, provided some recent fun for the media when it was discovered he scored a 4 on the test.  By chance alone, one could score considerably better on the exam, but that is not the point.  As a first round draft choice, Mr. Claiborne stands to make more money in a single year than most Americans in a lifetime, since in our society his skills are highly coveted.  All he has to do is tackle, cover receivers, and intercept the football.  He is not expected to lead the country or make decisions which affect us all.  A Wonderlic of 4 will be perfectly adequate for what he is required to do.

Politicians, however, do make decisions which affect us and generations to come.  Rather than blindly send incumbents back to Congress at a 96% rate, a version of the Wonderlic Test would be helpful to get beyond the promises and gain a glimpse into their true character.  Only four years ago John Edwards, personal injury attorney extraordinaire, was touted as presidential timber despite leaving his wife with terminal cancer to sire a child by a very unextraordinary consort.  Currently, he is on trial for bilking campaign donors of millions of dollars in contributions to fund a lavish lifestyle.  To better predict conduct while in office, FIYE would like Edwards and every other potential “leader” to take the Moral Aptitude Test (MAT), our version of the Wonderlic.

The nimble minded will be able to figure out the correct answers to most of the questions, but for someone who has no morals, those who literally do not know right from wrong, the examination will be a challenge.  One can expect some low scores from the political establishment.

Here are some example questions from the most recent FIYE MAT:  The correct answers will be published in the followings week’s FIYE subscriber announcement.

QUESTION #1:

As a senator on the Foreign Relations Committee, you are on a fact finding mission to Bordeaux, France to investigate how the French vintages compare to those from your home state.  Your husband is taking care of your children and did not accompany the delegation.  At a reception you meet a debonair gentleman representing the French wine industry.  You find him immensely charming and after a few drinks, he asks you to join him for romance in his suite.  What do you do and why?

 Join him.  This is an opportunity to enhance international cooperation.

 Politely decline.  Sleeping with this man is a conflict of interest and immoral.

What your husband doesn’t know won’t hurt him.  As a politician you are not bound by the provincial rules of the masses.  In the future if you have second thoughts, you can always go public to ease your conscious like the esteemed journalist Barbara Walters and her kiss and tell affair with the married Senator Edward Brooke.

QUESTION #2:

You are involved in a close reelection fight for governor.  Your campaign manager suggests using a third party to accuse your opponent of having sexual relations with a minor, even though there is nothing to suggest such an impropriety.  What do you do and why?

 Begin the smear campaign immediately.  Once disproved, you can deny any knowledge of the accusation.

You are the only person in the state capable of being governor.  A bit of disinformation is a small price to pay to insure a man of such immense talent is returned to the governor’s mansion.

Fire your campaign manager.  To destroy a person’s reputation by lies and innuendo is inexcusable.

QUESTION #3:

You have been reelected to Congress largely due to the support of a powerful political lobby.  Upon returning to Washington the group demands you introduce legislation which will give them exclusive control of a multibillion dollar industry.  What do you do and why?

 Follow the path of least resistance.  Playing quid pro quo ensures a long career in Congress.

Comply, but play hard ball and insist you son-in-law and sister be appointed to the board of directors.

 Introduce term limit legislation.  Restricting a Congressman’s length of service is essential to reduce the power of special interest groups which frequently act contrary to the best interests of the county.