Barry Soetoro - Safe at First Base

Out for a Stroll in Buenos Aires - photo by JoAnn Sturman

Scott Sturman
fliesinyoureyes.com


The President is so fond of sports cliches and analogies, I wrote a story to amuse him.

It was the bottom of the ninth inning with two outs and nobody on base in the seventh game of the World Series.  The home team was down by three runs.  As he strode to the plate, all hopes pinned on 8th place hitter Barry Soetoro.  The gangly left handed hitter swung widely at the first two pitches which were out of the strike zone.  With the count 0-2 he hit a slow hopper to the second baseman, who fielded it cleanly, and made the routine throw to the first baseman, two steps before Soetoro stepped on the bag.

“Safe!” exclaimed the first base umpire.

Even the partisan home crowd winced at the blunder, and Soetoro’s manager smiled sheepishly and kept his eyes downcast.  The sportscasters were flabbergasted and fumbled with their monitors to see if their eyes played tricks on them.  “We’re having some problems with the instant replay.  What did you think of the call, Tim?”

“Wasn’t even close, Jack.”

Visiting team manager Bubba Gutierrez exploded from the dugout, “Are you blind, ump, or just retarded?  The runner was out by six feet!  Six feet - that’s twice as long as you’ll need for your coffin when I get done with you.”

“Shut up, Gutierrez!” warned the first base umpire.  “The call was razor close, and the first baseman’s foot came off the bag when he stretched to make the play.  Who do you think you are to question Soetoro?  He’s a great man.  You’re ahead by three runs anyway with two out in the bottom of the ninth.  Where’s your sense of fair play?”

“You’re an idiot, ump,” screamed Gutierrez as he kicked dirt at him and sprayed his face with as much saliva as he could.  “This game is not about charity.  This is the World Series, not the Special Olympics!”

“That was insensitive of you, Guiterrez.  You’re out of here!”

Back in the booth something weird was happening.  None of the television networks could view the replay of the controversial play.  “Sports fans, this is a first for me,” confided Jack.  “I’ve never experienced a technical glitch like this.  I mean all of our tape of the play is blank, and checking with other broadcasters, they have the same problem.”

“It’s got to be like one of those Bermuda Triangle or Area 51 events,” offered Tim. 

The bizarreness didn’t stop there.  Every cell phone camera and every video cam was blank.  There was just no electronic record of the play.  No record except of the pictures from Bob Smith’s point and shoot taken from the upper tier in left field.

Soetoro was called safe, Guiterrez was ejected, and it would take some digging later on to recognize the enormity of the error.

The next hitter hit a line shot to center field, putting runners on first and second.  The following hitter walked on four pitches to load the bases.  It was a fait accompli that the next batsman smashed the first pitch over the centerfield wall, giving the home team a one run victory and the World Series crown. 

The team poured from the dugout and the fans burst onto the playing field and lifted Barry Soetoro high into the air.  “He’s a hero, the perfect man, a gift from Heaven!  When all seemed lost, he made the impossible happen and won the game for the home team!”

Later, Bob Smith realized he owned the only proof of the miscue.  He contacted the major media outlets to sell his pictures but was rebuffed as a crackpot.  Shortly after a man in a dark suit offered him a substantial sum.  The film and signed contract obligating him never to speak about the affair seemed a small price to pay for his serendipity and new found wealth.

When Barrack Obama got to first base in November 2008 as the least known American President in history, significant repercussions followed.  Obama care, the explosion of the national debt, a lingering recession, high unemployment, an inept foreign policy, and the incendiary politics of class warfare are the results of electing an amateur to the world’s most important job.  The Bob Smith’s of the world need to step up and shed light on a murky past.