Interview with Hillary Clinton

Puppet Show Kathmandu, Nepal - photo by JoAnn Sturman

Scott Sturman
fliesinyoureyes.com


Flies In Your Eyes continues a series of interviews with nationally known politicians and international leaders. Since the site is relatively unknown, the interviewees have an opportunity for the first time in their lives to express their true, non scripted opinions without having to pay the price for their candor.

FIYE: Thank you for joining us, Madam Secretary. As you know, this site offers a unique venue where you can express your views without sanction from the national press. First of all, due to the informality of the interview, it has been our experience that the interviewee is more comfortable and forthcoming if titles are ignored, and we address you by the name commonly used within the intimate family circle. What name would you prefer?

Secretary Clinton: The common folk chide me me for my royal airs. Your Highness or Empress appeal to me, but a more measured term like “Your Eminence” will do just fine, young man.

FIYE: Thank you for the compliment, Your Eminence. I am only a year younger than you, and it has been quite some time since I was referred to by a youthful title.

It’s time to begin. During the first Clinton administration, you were acknowledged as the driving force behind the National Health Care initiative. I’ve had the opportunity to travel somewhat and observed that even in the Third World where resources are scarce, the rich and poor alike seek private health care. Whether it’s Kenya, Morocco, Egypt, Peru, or Nepal, the national health care system is avoided whenever possible. What is the allure of national health care when the tract record is so bad?

Your Eminence: Power, pure power. If national health care was so good, politicians would be first to join. That doesn’t happen, because like your friends in the Third World, we know the implications of rationed care practiced by mediocre doctors. Altruism is the frosting we use to cover the cake, but the health system is a multibillion dollar industry; that pays for a lot of political patronage and union support.

FIYE: Let’s change pace and give you a chance to get some issues off your chest. It is not the intent of FIYE to become a steamy novella, but many of our readers are interested in your personal life to better understand the woman behind the face. What attracted you to Bill in the first place?

Your Eminence: He had a bad boy image, but I found him irresistible. When we met, I wasn’t particularly attractive, so I was surprised he took an interest. Women loved Bill, and the man could talk the pants off of a nun. He was clever enough to know if his political objectives were to be met, he needed someone smart and calculating who could channel his carnal energies and direct his career. You don’t find that type of moxie in a sorority at the University of Arkansas.

FIYE: Some of Bill’s amorous energies overflowed the banks from time to time. Do you feel betrayed?

Your Eminence: It should come as no surprise that our marriage is one of convenience. What affection we had for each other has long since faded. We both understand this. Betrayed? Pissed is more like it! I couldn’t care less who or what he sleeps with as long as he doesn’t get caught. He had this thing for “big haired women” in Arkansas but damage control was easy in Little Rock. The Monica tryst in the White House proved again that men think with the wrong head.

FIYE: How about you? Are there any international leaders who attract you?

Your Eminence: Muammar Qaddafi is hot and so charismatic. Take a look at these pictures of him! When I see him ridding a camel or dressed in those beautiful costumes, I am reminded he is everything Bill isn’t - exotic, handsome, extraordinary.

FIYE: What about those pictures of Conde Rice found in his Tripoli compound? When the Colonel, or Camel Master as he preferred to be called, interviewed with FIYE he raved about her.

Your Eminence: Enough! I read the interview. Those pictures were a ruse to protect me from the media. I presented him with a photo album of myself during my last visit, which he promised would never leave his side.

FIYE: That must hurt. Conde is very attractive, brilliant, and younger than you.

Your Eminence: Only seven years. Muammar is not like most men. He values a woman’s mind more than the body.

FIYE: How did Barrack Obama ever win the Democratic nomination in 2008? You had the name, the party machinery, and a lot of money in the campaign chest. Yet, he is President and you are not.

Your Eminence: This may come as a surprise, but I’m not well liked. I can smile, change my hairdo, tone down the rhetoric, and have my friends at CNN tell the voters I’m warm and carrying, but the public is not that stupid. As soon as I looked vulnerable, the donations dried up and a few months later America had its Manchurian Candidate in the Oval Office.

FIYE: You have plane to catch. I hope we can continue the interview at a later time. Is there any chance you’ll run for President in 2012?

Your Eminence: Funny you should ask, and by the way I accept the invitation. George Soros and I are meeting later this month to discuss strategy. His last horse didn’t run too well, did he?