Interview with Congressman Hank Johnson

Inca Trail, Peru - photo by JoAnn Sturman

Scott Sturman
fliesinyoureyes.com

Flies In Your Eyes begins a series of interviews with nationally known politicians. Since the site is relatively unknown, the interviewees have an opportunity for the first time in their lives to express their true, non scripted opinions without having to pay the price for their candor. To fully appreciate the basis for this interview, we highly recommend watching this three minute hyperlinked VIDEO.

FIYE: Thank you for joining us, Congressman. As you know, this site offers a unique venue where you can express your views without sanction from the national press. First of all, due to the informality of the interview, it has been our experience that the interviewee is more comfortable and forthcoming if titles are ignored, and we address you by the name commonly used within the intimate family circle. What name would you prefer?

Congressman Johnson: Einstein. I pride myself on my intellect and insight. Readers who have watched my deft interrogation of the admiral at the Guam congressional hearing cannot help but be impressed with my command of the language and ability to use my hands and arms simultaneously to emphasize my point.

FIYE: Let’s take just a moment to review the circumstances of the congressional hearing which made you infamous: The Marine Corp wished to move 25,000 marines and family members to Guam, the largest island in Micronesia. The 212 square mile island is home to 175,000 inhabitants. You were concerned about the island tipping over due to the proposed influx of personnel. Was your concern based on scientific evidence?

Einstein: I am a lawyer. I practiced for twenty-five years before becoming a congressman.

FIYE: Your questioning style could be described as methodical, and it appeared you had trouble finding the right words to convey your point. What was the intent when questioning the admiral?

Einstein: I was laying a trap. I was sure the admiral did not know that (length) x (circumference) = area. He thought he could fool me by ignoring this important point.

FIYE: I’ve watched the video a couple times and nearly fell asleep while you were leading up to the denouement about the island capsizing. You used the double superlative “most widest” and frequently spliced sentences with “uhs.” Considering you’re a lawyer, the words did not exactly spew forth.

Einstein: The admiral did not understand advanced mathematics, so I spoke slowly to give him time to digest the information. Otherwise, when he fell into my trap, he could have claimed I gave him too much information too quickly.

FIYE: I am surprised the admiral did not fall asleep or laugh at your questions. He remained conspicuously polite. Even the most casual observer could come to the conclusion that you were in some way impaired during the line of questioning. Were you trying to humiliate the witness with your line of questioning?

Einstein: I’ve seen a lot of movies. Generals and admirals are not smart like I am. They are blood thirsty and want to kill women and children. I liked it when he called me “sir” when answering my questions. I showed the whole country who was in charge.

FIYE: Following the debacle you told a local news reporter that the “tipping over” comment was a metaphor about the ecologic impact of stationing more soldiers on the island. Was this what you really meant?

Einstein: Are you kidding? I didn’t learn about metaphors in law school. Someone called my staff and told me to say it. I still think it will tip over. You just wait and see.